tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60841736982536657292012-01-15T18:47:02.244-08:00Woody World"You're confusing tyranny with losing." -- Jon StewartBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.comBlogger1601100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-46120985815605907142011-10-31T11:20:00.000-07:002011-10-31T11:25:29.633-07:00This Halloween, "Return to Oz"Forget “Psycho.” Never mind “The Exorcist.” This Halloween, skip “Halloween.” Instead, cue up a little horror called “Return to Oz.”
Yes, Oz, as in “Wizard of.” Yes, Oz, the adorable and beloved children’s book that became an adorable and beloved movie. Which someone apparently watched on acid, and then wrote this.
As our story opens, it’s six months after the tornado. Dorothy apparently went BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-54436817631274971672011-07-22T10:04:00.000-07:002011-07-22T10:10:38.344-07:00The price of fameDean’s been working in radio in this market for eleven years. Most people don’t know him by sight unless they’ve been to a live remote or some event he’s emceed, but he often gets recognized around here by his voice. “Hey, you’re the guy on the radio.”
So this morning shortly after Dean got to work, the part-timer on the overnight shift went outside to empty a garbage can in the dumpster in the BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-22319526232074551192011-07-15T09:52:00.000-07:002011-07-15T09:55:29.259-07:00Summer PeopleThe other day I ducked into the local discount store for a quick errand. I only needed one thing I could get from their outdoor garden center which has its own checkout. Just take a minute. I grabbed a bottle of rose aphid spray (wet spring, the damn things love that) and went to the checkout. Only a couple of women ahead of me – great. Then I noticed . . .
1. Neither one had a cart or was BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-23642458946409549922011-04-15T12:21:00.000-07:002011-04-15T12:21:23.181-07:00Sometimes they get it rightFile this under "even a stopped clock is right twice a day." Faux News accidentally gets something right.
BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-51773751613619053062011-04-01T09:58:00.000-07:002011-04-01T10:09:41.164-07:00This Week in StupidOh you teabaggers. You know how to bring the crazy and the stupid. Here are five gems from the past week:
5. Bat-shit crazy Revolutionary War "expert" Michele Bachmann places the battles of Lexington and Concord in New Hampshire.
4. Freshman GOP Rep. Tom Marino says of the Libyan no-fly zone, "Where does it stop?" he said. "Do we go into Africa next?"
3. Then there’s House Majority Leader Eric BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-1777687230978641012011-03-11T06:39:00.001-08:002011-03-11T06:39:57.616-08:00What time is it? It's stupid time!<!--[if gte mso 9]> Dusty Zimmerman 10.6735 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if !mso]>
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mso-style-noshowBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-17173349795567148402011-03-04T07:16:00.000-08:002011-03-04T07:16:38.627-08:00Thanks again, sweN xoFOkay, they didn’t exactly get this one backwards. More like sideways. Need to show the “union thugs,” AKA teachers, policemen, firemen etc. in Wisconsin being violent? Well, here’s just how bad these union thugs are. They refuse to act thuggish, even when the Fox camera crews schlepped all the way to Wisconsin in the dead of winter. Couldn’t they kindly oblige them and show some true Midwestern BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-83442237691806916342011-02-23T11:50:00.000-08:002011-02-23T11:50:05.965-08:00Thanks, sweN xoF!<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if !mso]>
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mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4ptBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-56333205478022705522011-02-04T11:18:00.000-08:002011-03-11T11:36:08.991-08:00Deader to meTurner Classic Movies has a big glossy insert in Vanity Fair (also dead to me, see previous post) promoting “31 Days of Oscar,” featuring trivia questions about Oscar-winning movies. Question #7:
“Producer Hal B. Wallis nearly made which character in Casablanca a female, considering Lena Horne and Ella Fitzgerald for the role?”
Well, duh. Sam of course. In case you’re an idiot they even provide BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-42154885175359855662011-01-21T11:53:00.000-08:002011-01-21T11:53:42.691-08:00Dead to me<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if !mso]>
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mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4ptBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-17579882889971030982011-01-21T07:41:00.001-08:002011-01-21T07:41:55.498-08:00Noooooo!This is just wrong. BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-75667153977314770692011-01-14T07:33:00.000-08:002011-01-14T07:33:48.822-08:00Sarah Palin vs. Bag of Hammers<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
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BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-47111342441833442012010-12-17T06:25:00.001-08:002010-12-17T06:26:32.006-08:00Top five complaints at the North Pole:5. The elves were already tired of all those “small” jokes. Then Santa had to install the pre-flight full body scanners.
4. The tea party elves won't accept toy-making assignments because Santa can’t provide documentation proving his mythological place of origin.
3. Those naughty/nice lists are a pain to compile when you have to sort through every status update, wall post, text message and tweet.BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-10747301969935867492010-12-03T09:34:00.000-08:002010-12-03T09:34:36.963-08:00Top five surprises in the latest Harry Potter movie:5. All those screenings and pat-downs now required before they can climb on their broomsticks.
4. Hogwarts stubbornly refuses to repeal its ridiculous “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy on squibs.
3. The search for the horcruxes turns out to be an elaborate geo-caching promotion by “Horcruxes-R-Us.”
2. Hedwig’s death, made all the more tragic since she’d just signed a lucrative endorsement deal with BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-34333834883900520982010-11-05T09:03:00.000-07:002010-11-05T09:03:08.249-07:00Top five surprises in the election:<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
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BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-86480014853783128402010-11-01T11:45:00.000-07:002010-11-01T11:45:26.110-07:00Critter CentralThe bear hasn't been back since Tuesday, but Thursday night we had another visitor to our deck -- a raccoon. I flipped on the lights and went outside to chase him off, and he did what raccoons tend to do: stood there and looked at me, like "Lady, stop making that annoying noise. I'm trying to raid your deck here." With no bird feeders out any more, there wasn't anything for him to raid, so he BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-24590278639513811842010-10-22T08:27:00.000-07:002010-10-22T08:51:53.876-07:00Way to go, guard dogWoody’s been kind of a pain lately, getting us up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. Then I noticed the other day that the cover had been pried off a solar light on the deck. The light resembles a bird feeder. Must be raccoons – it was too heavy for even a very ambitious squirrel. Maybe that’s what Woody has been hearing at night.
Tuesday night I saw a big black shape on our deckBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-3291912817311780492010-10-08T09:59:00.000-07:002010-10-08T09:59:00.326-07:00Top five upcoming revelations from Christine O'Donnell<!--[if gte mso 9]> cking 10.6735 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
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BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-26377880557248259982010-10-01T07:24:00.000-07:002010-10-01T07:25:36.680-07:00You Might be a Tea Partier If . . .That dang librul lamestream social media’s being all mean to real Americans again. Remember those lame “you might be a redneck if . . .” jokes? No? Lucky you. But some commie on Facebook has started a variation on the theme: “you might be a tea partier if . . .” Damn Facebook. They should just change the name of that movie to “The Socialist Network.” Or, to be truly authentic, “The Socalest BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-44594945477900766382010-09-24T06:56:00.000-07:002010-09-24T07:40:50.193-07:00Bear vs. Vegetable
HELENA, Mont. (AP) — A Montana woman fended off a bear trying to muscle its way into her home Thursday by pelting the animal with a large piece of zucchini from her garden. The woman suffered minor scratches and one of her dogs was wounded after tussling with the 200-pound bear. The attack happened just after midnight when the woman let her three dogs into the backyard for their nighttime ritualBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-27695854553065053642010-09-17T09:41:00.000-07:002010-09-17T09:41:07.108-07:00Top 5 Anniversary Party Highlights<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
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BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-66851916924767804832010-09-03T09:58:00.000-07:002010-09-03T09:58:53.319-07:00TruthinessWhat the heck. Friday already? Okay, I didn't get around to a list this week. All that crazy "working ahead" since I'll be gone next week. But I did compose an ode to Truthiness. And no, I didn't really lose a cat. So that part's not true. But it is truthy. BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-53237998926512047522010-08-27T07:54:00.000-07:002010-08-27T07:55:25.319-07:00Top five reasons programmers don’t blog:(Topic and list ideas courtesy of Welder, so he shares the blame)
5. Speling. Speeling. Spellling. Having to put letters in some stupid fancy predetermined “order.”
4. Pr0n. Uh, setting up the filters to keep it out. Yeah, that’s it.
3. Cosplay. Those big Klingon gauntlets are made for killing, not typing.
2. LARP. Tenth-level wizards with a Sword of Thunder, Amulet of Justice and immunity BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-66629854007902142792010-08-13T08:52:00.000-07:002010-08-13T08:52:07.088-07:00Tales of the CluelessToday one of Dean's clueless coworkers was having a problem with his e-mail. It sounded like his computer had lost its connection to the server. Dean opted for the easiest solution:
Dean: "Reboot and that should reconnect you."
Coworker: "That doesn't help. I already rebooted."
Well, by now Dean knows how their brains work, so he asked a question most people wouldn't have thought of:
Dean: "When BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-57603309605128453092010-07-23T07:37:00.000-07:002010-07-23T07:38:35.654-07:00ShakespalinSome weeks I don’t know what to do for a Friday Five list. Then Sarah Palin opens her yap, or in this case, her laptop, and the list just writes itself. Thanks Sarah. In the immortal words of the Bard of Wasilla, “Got to celebrate it!” Here’s a Friday Top 20. As the real Shakespeare put it, “Can one desire too much of a good thing?”
Top 20 Shakespalin quotes:
20. "To be governor or not to be BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-86022058246922924242010-07-15T12:25:00.000-07:002010-07-15T12:25:59.419-07:00You guys need a dogLast night I was trying to get to sleep when I heard the now-familiar clanging of pot lids from our neighbor’s direction. “Get away, go on, shoo!” and clang Clang CLANG. I went out on the deck and sure enough, there was a black bear crashing through the trees between the neighbor’s house and ours. He lumbered out of the trees, into our back yard and dashed off back toward the mountains.
BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-48532969974309490702010-07-15T12:17:00.001-07:002010-07-23T07:58:25.838-07:00Clang, clang clang went the pot lidsA couple of weeks ago I was cleaning up the boat and getting it ready to put in the lake for the year when my neighbor Bob came over to chat. And chat. And chat. Bob’s a chatter.
The topic inevitably turned to bears and how to chase them off, as it so often does around here. Bob said a big black bear had been in their yard the other day. “Olga always bangs pot lids at them. Is that what you guysBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-38889275762346261002010-07-09T08:04:00.000-07:002010-07-09T08:04:26.738-07:00Lindsay Lohan's top five excusesLindsay, honey. You’re not the first Hollywood starlet whose life careened out of control. You won’t be the last. But you may be the only one to compare a brief jail/rehab stint to the plight of an Iranian woman who may be stoned to death. Lindsay, seriously. One of these things is not like the other one.
Lindsay Lohan’s top five excuses:
5. Mean Girls put me up to it.
4. Can’t let BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-40571712894073158812010-07-02T06:40:00.000-07:002010-07-02T06:40:20.828-07:00Happy 4thEvery year I think I'll post another 4th of July story, but there's just no topping this one. It may be un-toppable. Whatever you do on your 4th of July, let's just hope it doesn't involve any awkward explanations to your insurance company.BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-39806445686466390632010-06-21T08:10:00.000-07:002010-06-22T12:30:00.256-07:00Still a bit snowy up there . . .
This is Going to the Sun Road in Glacier Park as of June 17. Currently there's about 40 to 50 feet of snow on Logan Pass, the highest part of the road.
Reminded me of a little incident over Memorial Day weekend. Dean went into town to fill our grill's propane tank. At the gas station he ran into a guy who had rented one of those ginormous RVs. He was from Florida, taking his family on a "BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-6107384358295865872010-06-18T11:57:00.000-07:002010-06-18T11:57:17.034-07:00Nice rackWe had another bear sighting in the back yard Wednesday, but alas, I didn't see it and the camera wasn't handy for Dean so we don't know if it was the same one or a new guy. So we're definitely on bear alert. This afternoon I looked out the kitchen window and saw something big and furry in the back yard. But it was just this critter, who's been hanging around for awhile now, and posed nicely for BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-70824339059231838492010-06-18T07:06:00.000-07:002010-06-18T09:59:36.668-07:00Thank goodness the hearing room has WiFiTestifying in front of Congress is boring. There’s all that “swearing in” business, as if there’s such a thing as “truth” anymore anyway. Then a bunch of guys in suits glare at you over the top of their reading glasses. At least Joe Barton had the decency to apologize to BP, but after catching some flak he backtracked. Congressmen used to have integrity. When they were bought, they stayed bought.BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-2334602678036305922010-06-11T09:12:00.001-07:002010-06-11T09:20:34.124-07:00Poor Tony HaywardWhy is it always the CEOs who suffer when disaster strikes? Like the poor hedge fund managers who had to sell their summer homes and are now reduced to renting in the Hamptons for the season. The investment bankers who can no longer afford a wife, a mistress and a rent boy. And of course poor BP CEO and inept, tone-deaf spokesperson Tony Hayward, who only wants his life back. Is that any reason BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-16103582522354281522010-06-04T09:38:00.000-07:002010-06-04T09:40:39.342-07:00He's baaack . . .This year we’ve had a cold, wet spring, so I’m late at getting anything planted. Yesterday I got a few flowers in hanging baskets and pots. I was just sitting down to enjoy my handiwork when a black bear showed up. He came around the side of the house and headed toward the stairs of the deck where Woody and I were sitting.
At least Woody was awake this time. He charged at the bear, barking like BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-85742417661695299612010-05-28T08:00:00.001-07:002010-05-28T08:00:14.791-07:00Critter CamWe have a bumper crop of hummingbirds this year, so I set my webcam up in a windowsill and I’m streaming it most weekdays, for those of you who need another time-waster in your workday. I had originally called the page “hummercam,” but found that a page with that name, on a blog called “Woody,” seemed to be attracting a lot of traffic from Republican congressman, so I edited a bit.
On the BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-19858149472265162642010-05-21T08:14:00.000-07:002010-05-21T08:18:49.601-07:00New Rules*New rule: If you’re going to make money from doing it, you need to have a plan to fix it if it goes wrong. Newer rule: If you expect taxpayers to pick up the tab when things go wrong, then we get a share of the profits when things go right. Newest rule: When Kevin Costner has a better grip on your engineering problem than your engineers, it’s time to take the BP execs, dunk them in their own BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-47791020597073309622010-05-14T08:47:00.001-07:002010-05-14T08:47:56.798-07:00Top five signs you're way too much into the whole social media thing:5. You have a near-death experience and all your Facebook status updates flash before your eyes.
4. Your spouse asks what channel you want to watch and you say, “#p2 or #EdHead – anything but #tcot.”
3. You’re expecting, and you whittle down the list of potential baby names by checking to see which ones are available on Twitter.
2. You apply to the Department of Agriculture for a Farmville BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-48412888872908525402010-05-07T07:43:00.000-07:002010-05-07T07:43:20.736-07:00Seriously, another one?This isn’t even funny any more. Okay, yes it is. George Rekers is the latest anti-gay gay-curing conservative “family values” crusader to get caught with his hand in the – well, let’s say cookie jar. He says he took rent-boy “Geo” along on his European trip to “carry his luggage.” So that’s what they’re calling it these days. George Rekers’ top five excuses:5. I thought I was renting from BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-47263321381397400022010-02-19T08:43:00.000-08:002010-02-19T09:07:24.151-08:00Throw a quad. Then throw that outfit.It’s hard to go over the top when it comes to figure skating costumes, but when you’re wearing an outfit that Lady Gaga might consider “too much,” it might be time to hire a stylist who will pare back the sequins a bit.
Top five actual Salon review comments about the outfits in men’s figure skating:
5. "Czech Michal Brezina is dressed as a bedazzled golfer."
4. "Lysaceck takes to the ice BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-50437847000589956642010-02-12T09:10:00.000-08:002010-02-12T09:32:33.782-08:00Just keeping things handy . . .Why does Sarah Palin write her talking points on her hand? Because she can. Who needs stupid things like “nuanced answers” containing “facts” when you can boil it down to four three empty catchphrases? Simple thoughts for simple people.
Top five things other people are writing on their hands:
5. Jay Leno: 10 pm 11:30 pm
4. Conan O’Brien: 11:30 pm Sleep in, eat Cheetos, repeat.
3. Tiger BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-87062099255207332452010-01-29T09:46:00.000-08:002010-01-29T14:08:55.373-08:00Top five signs someone hacked the teleprompter for the State of the Union Address:5. The new rebates to stimulate the home brewing industry – cash for kegerators.
4. The new security initiative offering free snausages for protecting the homeland against infiltration by squirrels and raccoons.
3. Our new national anthem: that “Pants on the Ground” song.
2. The honest admission of the biggest mistake of last year: “Leno should never have been moved to prime time.”
1. The BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-14092349954291022682010-01-15T09:10:00.001-08:002010-01-15T09:28:56.967-08:00Manmade DisastersIn news of manmade disasters this week, there’s NBC, with its ratings in the tank, a PR debacle, and suddenly finding itself with five hours of prime time to fill. Earlier this week Jay Leno noted NBC stands for “Never Believe your Contract.” Hmmm . . .
Top five other things NBC really stands for:
5. Nothing But Clueless
4. Numbskulled Brainless CEOs
3. Not Being Clever
2. Nonplussed By ConanBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-47133014047743711542010-01-08T07:42:00.001-08:002010-01-08T07:50:57.091-08:00Top five signs it’s too &^%$#@ cold:5. You’re not a terrorist, but you still keep trying to set your underwear on fire.
4. Even Florida is cold – every night Tiger Woods throws a couple of extra mistresses on the bed.
3. The airport security guards are patting everyone down, just to keep their hands warm.
2. Byron Dorgan’s retiring – either hell has frozen over or Pat’s prayers have finally been answered.
1. Polar bears can’t BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-2765536340937548212009-12-23T07:54:00.000-08:002009-12-23T08:19:47.488-08:00Woody's Christmas PresentIt's been rainy lately and the snow at our altitude was mostly gone. Last night the rain turned into beautiful light fluffy snow. Woody just about exploded with doggy joy. "It's back! Yummy yummy yum."
"Mmmmmmmm . . . snow's the best thing ever." BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-86769255306488410482009-12-18T08:17:00.000-08:002009-12-18T08:17:27.642-08:00Top five least popular Christmas presents:5. The new Tiger Woods game – you drive an SUV, dodging angry wives, mistresses, golf clubs and fire hydrants while trying to hang on to your endorsement contracts.
4. The new musical game – Extreme Polka: Accordion Hero.
3. A McCain campaign visor, rogued-up Sarah Palin-style.
2. The Glenn Beck fun pack: a Bible, a gun, a chalkboard, a box of teabags and a stocking full of psychotic rantings.BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-67470584989837877972009-12-14T11:05:00.000-08:002009-12-14T11:05:59.065-08:00Happy Holidays from Evil DogEven the booties were better than this.
"The joke's on them. The magic antlers turn me into EVIL DOG!"
BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-81967206295859863092009-12-10T10:30:00.000-08:002009-12-11T08:10:51.690-08:00Thank you, Faux NewsOh, Faux News, thank you for keeping us endlessly entertained. Informed, not so much. More like "infromed," as you'll see below. FNC management recently instituted a “zero tolerance” policy for on-screen errors, but if that’s the case, why don’t all the network’s “journalists” have bags over their heads?
Top five graphics illustrating how Fox News keeps us “informed”:
5. The other so-called “BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-61629686140585204462009-11-24T16:23:00.001-08:002009-11-24T16:26:11.559-08:00Something to be thankful for: You're not this guy.New state laws banning smoking in all businesses, including bars, recently took effect here, much to the dismay of smokers like this man, quoted in the local paper:
“This law violates the Constitution, which gives us the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. My idea of happiness is smoking a cigarette while I drink my beer.”
In sixth grade, his idea of happiness must have been BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-30474773625081839462009-11-20T08:05:00.000-08:002009-11-20T08:06:20.343-08:00Critter CentralI’ve been taking the bird feeders down at night and haven’t seen the raccoons again, but the collection of critters Dean has seen nearby on his way to work recently include not just raccoons but a black bear and a wolf. I think I prefer the bears. At least they run when you yell at them. The raccoons just give you a dismissive glance and get back to rooting around for sunflower seeds.
Top fiveBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-21715346229894783552009-11-18T08:17:00.000-08:002009-11-18T08:22:45.912-08:00Caught! Sort of.And here I thought I caught ‘em red-pawed last night.
But Dean said “those must be the babies. The one I saw was much bigger.” These two no doubt have an alibi for the night in question. They ate up some seeds that the birds had spilled on the deck, but didn’t get into the feeders, so technically I guess I could only charge them with trespassing, or perhaps loitering with intent to raid.
BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-77180807994244467592009-11-15T14:40:00.000-08:002009-11-15T14:43:35.097-08:00Top five signs you’re having a bad Friday the 13th:5. You’ve produced this great expose on how illegal immigrants are bringing bad luck into the US. You can’t wait to air it on your CNN show this Friday the 13th.4. You’re on your book tour, and the mean old MSM keeps practicing “gotcha” journalism by asking questions about stuff that’s in your book. 3. You’re on your book tour, and the mean old MSM keeps practicing “gotcha” journalism by asking BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-84830581946777773632009-11-13T11:52:00.001-08:002009-11-13T12:00:43.673-08:00CSI: Critter Scene InvestigationThe other day I noticed that the metal bracket holding one of my bird feeders was bent and the feeder was missing. Our crack critter forensics team immediately sprang into action. After a thorough investigation, which was conducted through the process of “going outside to take a look,” we decided it must have been a raccoon. The crime sceneA squirrel wouldn’t be strong enough to bend the bracketBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-82134250233532475172009-11-06T07:58:00.000-08:002009-11-06T08:24:37.001-08:00Bride of the CluelessI have a friend who is utterly clueless about computers. She calls me now and then for tech support. The problem is usually something simple, but walking her through the steps to figure it out is torture because she doesn’t know the most basic terms and gets stumped when I ask her to do something like “launch your browser” or “right-click.” I still have nightmares about the time I tried to get BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-83199366253896582742009-10-30T10:11:00.000-07:002009-10-30T10:29:15.712-07:00Top five easy last-minute Halloween costumes:Forgot to get a Halloween costume? Not to worry -- here are some ideas for costumes you can easily throw together from stuff lying around the house: 5. A blue blazer, distracted expression and your laptop: You’re a Northwest pilot.4. A couple of teabags, an unintentionally funny, misspelled sign and an attitude of aggrieved ignorance: You’re a teabagger birther deather patriot.3. A couple of BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-66003157852953109852009-10-23T09:36:00.001-07:002009-10-23T09:45:40.206-07:00More Tales of the CluelessOver the years Dean has become reluctant to show his co-workers how to do much of anything on their computers, for several reasons. It takes ages to get them to grasp simple concepts, they don’t want to do anything differently from the way they’ve always done it, and rather than actually learn anything, they tend to keep asking Dean to “come and do that for me again.”Their news guy gets a daily BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-46182438642349220672009-10-14T08:57:00.001-07:002009-10-14T09:10:09.965-07:00Tales of the CluelessDean’s co-workers are incredibly clueless about computers in general and the internet in particular. One day Dean cut an ad for a local restaurant and the salesperson wanted him to e-mail it to the client. He left this e-mail address on the production form: RestaurantName.com. So Dean asked the salesperson for the whole e-mail address. Salesperson: “That’s the address, right there. BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-14659524393133758162009-10-09T09:11:00.000-07:002009-10-09T09:15:35.617-07:00Summer, meet winter.This is one of my petunias this morning. Summer, meet winter. So much for fall. Just how crappy is the weather here today?5. We put a keg of brandy around Woody’s neck. It’s not for rescuing anyone. We’re just too lazy to keep walking to the liquor cabinet. 4. I’m getting all nostalgic for those balmy North Dakota winters. 3. Senator Max Baucus’ local office has switched over to its usual winter BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-25626647348307434922009-10-02T08:09:00.000-07:002009-10-02T08:18:36.027-07:00Roguey Maverick, or Mavericky Rogue?Is Sarah Palin a roguey maverick, or a mavericky rogue? Then again, “Going Rogue” could be a misspelling and perhaps the book is really full of makeup tips. Top five alternate titles for Sarah Palin’s book:5. Russian Dressing: How Foreign Policy Experience Can Get You Some Great Designer Duds4. Oh, the Things I Know! How to make moose chili, bag a running wolf from a helicopter, and get a great BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-377798841416422632009-09-25T09:34:00.000-07:002009-09-25T09:41:52.106-07:00Merging of GreatnessOh sure, no one’s reading this today. You’re all swilling down suds and doing shooters at the “merging of greatness” party. Top five changes now that the IT department has moved in to the main office:5. The constant noise from “Guitar Hero” echoing up and down the halls all day – someone needs to tell Pat to knock it off and get to work.4. The geek quotient at the main office just increased in BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-5208104206001905862009-09-18T09:05:00.000-07:002009-09-18T09:10:01.748-07:00RIP DaltonIn honor of the late Patrick Swayze, here are five of the best lines from one of the best bad movies ever made: “Roadhouse”:5. “Pain don't hurt.”4. “You're too stupid to have a good time.”3. “We've got entirely too many troublemakers here. Too many 40-year-old adolescents, felons, power drinkers and trustees of modern chemistry.”2. Doc: “Your file says you've got a degree from NYU. What in?”BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-57768201667513578402009-09-10T14:07:00.000-07:002009-09-11T10:09:34.899-07:00Lies and the Lying Liars Who Yell ThemSo this is what our civil discourse has come to. The president encouraging children to stay in school and study hard is indocternashun! Sosholism! The president giving a speech outlining his health care reform proposal is HitlerHitlerHITLER! Stay classy, Joe Wilson. No doubt you’ll be outside some town hall this weekend, holding up a sign demanding that Obama release his “real burth cerfikate,” BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-67000823258485873572009-09-04T09:14:00.000-07:002009-09-04T09:25:38.626-07:00So Long, SummerLabor Day weekend already, when we all say to ourselves, “Where the hell did the summer go?” Top five signs summer’s over:5. Nuts at town hall meetings have switched to heavier sweaters, coats and ammunition. 4. Glenn Beck’s face turning deep, dark shade of red . . . oh, sorry, that’s just a sign of yet another psychotic rant.3. Paris Hilton spotted buying warm, modest, sensible clothing. For herBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-54066317854480949792009-08-28T09:50:00.000-07:002009-08-28T09:51:43.541-07:00Must. Get. That. Cologne.Because Paramount hasn’t yet milked the last drop from its Star Trek cash cow, now you can smell like the geek that you are, with Star Trek fragrances. There’s Tiberius, the man-musky Captain Kirk scent that’s irresistible to green-skinned space babes. Red Shirt, for the expendable man in your life. And Pon Farr, the logical choice for the ladies who want to drive their favorite Vulcan wild. Why BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-77901461420966870992009-08-21T08:21:00.000-07:002009-08-21T08:24:20.989-07:00Oh, those hilarious photos of you on Facebook. You know, the ones taken after you’d had a few too many tequila shooters. Your friends think they’re so funny. The human resources director who just interviewed you for your dream job might find them not so much funny as . . . informative. Forty-five percent of employers are now using social networking sites to research potential hires. Top five BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-29974871430485939182009-08-13T13:36:00.000-07:002009-08-13T13:43:09.472-07:00Birthers and deathers: cradle to grave crazyThanks to what passes for “journalism” these days, we know that the two most important issues facing our country are:1. Obama not only wasn’t born in America, he probably wasn’t even born at all, and2. The illegitimate non-born un-president wants to kill your grandmother.Top five other things the birthers and the deathers want you to know about Obama:5. As a kid in 1969, he faked the moon landingBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-3909196120981277042009-08-11T13:20:00.000-07:002009-08-13T14:29:18.780-07:00Booty-liciousLast week I noticed Woody was persistently licking his hind feet, so I checked them out. His footpads were in bad shape -- cut, scraped up and raw-looking -- so we went to the vet. The regular vet was out of town so we saw a different one, a nice woman with a strong German accent. She thought Woody’s feet looked like they’d been scraped against rough cement or pavement. She cleaned up his hind BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-44330724487020466322009-07-28T14:40:00.000-07:002009-07-28T14:55:10.881-07:00American Journalism, RIPOnce the most trusted man in America and a television icon for decades, Walter Cronkite recently passed away at the age of 92. He was preceded in death by American journalism, which had been comatose for years and finally gave up the ghost the day Glenn Beck got a “news” show. Cronkite is survived by today’s most trusted newscaster in America, Jon Stewart.Top five signs American journalism is BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-47723769235277732152009-07-17T09:26:00.000-07:002009-07-17T09:28:34.819-07:00I'm still going to teach him new tricks, though . . .Earlier this week Woody saw a squirrel on the steps to our deck, took off in a blur of fur, got about halfway down and yelped like he’d been shot. And hey, around here you never know. His momentum carried him down the stairs, where he was standing on three legs, left hind leg pulled up as high as he could get it. I checked him over as well as I could and then he slowly lowered the leg and took a BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-61794677663717975372009-07-10T07:08:00.000-07:002009-07-10T07:16:37.615-07:00How Can We Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?Is Sarah Palin plain old crazy? Or crazy like a Fox News anchor? She has a lot of armchair psychiatrists reaching for the DSM-IV, but I think she’s the first example of a new disorder: Munchausen’s by Media, in which the afflicted person compulsively uses the media to complain that she’s being victimized by too much media attention. Top five real reasons Sarah Palin resigned: 5. Gonna catch up onBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-85209679596012306862009-06-26T07:59:00.000-07:002009-06-26T08:01:03.161-07:00Top five places “missing” governors go:5. Montana: “Where was I last week -- that’s a good question, son. By the way, have you seen my gun collection? Mighty fine, isn’t it? Now you wanna ask me that again, or do ya figure it’s my own damn business?”4. California: Anywhere, as long as the travel agency will take an I.O.U.3. Alaska: Anywhere, as long as the government pays for the trip.2. North Dakota: off to do something crazy in an BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-7567636120297638152009-06-26T07:56:00.000-07:002009-07-01T10:49:03.374-07:00Another Day, Another GOP Sex ScandalIt’s been days since there was a Republican sex scandal, so kudos to Governor Mark Sanford for adding the “sneaking off to Argentina” twist, giving us a delightful new euphemism for infidelity in “hiking the Appalachian Trail,” and providing us with emails worthy of a tepid romance novel. I’m not sure what’s worse: the affair, the lies, or the spelling.By now we know the routine: the BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-48662104599767536682009-06-19T07:41:00.000-07:002009-06-19T07:44:22.582-07:00I can't come in to work today. My car has a virus.I recently learned that some of my coworkers have cars that run on Microsoft Windows. Oddly, this does not seem to frighten them. Top five signs your car runs on Windows:5. It takes five minutes to start it up, five minutes to shut it off, and it randomly restarts itself throughout the day. 4. Your engine has more bugs than your windshield. 3. If you use low-octane gas, you get an “invalid fuel BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-87136252185056177092009-06-17T09:46:00.000-07:002009-06-17T09:49:10.449-07:00AC Installation FAILThis is room 225 of the Comfort Inn in Minot, North Dakota. “Hey Bob, ya think we need to install this thing so it vents to the outside?” “Nah, this’ll work just fine.”Yes, the AC was installed to vent into the hallway. I was in Room 222, so I got a nice blast of hot air every time I went to or from my room. Note to self: when hiring contractors to do stuff like this, be very specific.“Hey Bob, BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-15736877510224328402009-06-12T08:21:00.001-07:002009-06-12T09:02:00.459-07:00Keeping the Bears at BayOur feeder-robbing friend didn’t come back yesterday, so maybe he’s moved on to someplace not protected by fearsome creatures like Woody, or me and my garden trowel. Top five ways to keep the bears away:5. When decorating your deck, don’t go with the pic-a-nic basket theme. 4. Scented outdoor candles: good idea. Scented outdoor candles that smell like honey, huckleberries and slightly rancid BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-88493717873351126792009-06-10T13:46:00.000-07:002009-06-10T13:58:50.108-07:00He's baaack . . .
And this time I didn't even have a garden trowel. My camera was handy, though. He smushed the bird feeder but I think we can bend it back into shape. He doesn't seem too intimidated by people, which is definitely a bad thing. He jumped off the deck and was messing around in the big planter below the deck, where I had just planted the rest of the flowers last night. I went out the downstairs BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-35055773610763364902009-06-08T07:15:00.000-07:002009-06-08T13:48:12.391-07:00Bearwatch 2009Yesterday Dean and Woody went into town to get some Preen (I’m telling you, that stuff works) while I got out my trowel, a bunch of planters and the usual jumble of flowers. Every spring I have the same plan, which is “go buy a bunch of stuff that looks pretty and then come home and try to figure out what to do with it all.”I spread everything out on the ground, allocated various petunias, BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-88558731020157644462009-06-05T09:54:00.001-07:002009-06-05T09:55:52.362-07:00Thanks guys!The problem with working in an office with just Woody is that he’s not very quotable. Adorable, sure, but his conversation tends to be limited to the dog version of “Could you open the door please?” and requests to have various body parts petted and/or scratched. So it was nice to work in a real office with real people, mainly because all I had to do for this week’s list was write down about fiveBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-40447715889046701632009-05-29T09:22:00.001-07:002009-05-29T09:24:01.666-07:00Top five highlights of working in Bismarck:5. Pat giving us nice treats on our trip to DGC, like ice cream and listening to Fox News.4. Relatively bear-free environment, except for Barth when I ask for more changes in the CMS.3. The four taps on the faucets: hot, cold, lager and stout.2. Enjoying the sunshine and fresh air of our fabulous rooftop terrace . . . oh damn. Next trip it’s gonna be the Fargo office. 1. Going home and working BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-14695079725460537842009-05-22T06:12:00.000-07:002009-05-22T06:14:32.062-07:00In April and May we start looking for all of those “firsts” that are signs of spring. First robin, April 22. First hummingbird, April 24. First tulips blooming, May 8. First bear sighting, May 16. Dean was going to work Saturday morning when a bear ambled across the road not far from our place. Unperturbed by the car trying to get around him, he sat down in the road to enjoy a snack of roadkill BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-64882437897137545002009-05-15T09:54:00.000-07:002009-05-15T09:55:23.775-07:00Hitting the road next week . . .Top five highlights of coming to North Dakota:5. No pesky mountains to get in the way of the view.4. Like Montana, gun ownership is legal. Unlike Montana, gun ownership is optional.3. Real electricity! I won’t have to pedal all day to power my laptop. 2. That big sign at the MT/ND border: “Welcome to North Dakota. With 99.9 percent fewer bears.”1. My squirrel-pelt slippers will be considered a BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-6929006666108531542009-05-08T08:40:00.000-07:002009-05-08T08:41:10.502-07:00Everything Old is New Again, Star Trek EditionIn honor of the new Star Trek movie, the top five bestsellers from the original cast:5. Scotty’s practical yet philosophical “Zen and the Art of Warp Core Maintenance.”4. Uhura’s searing indictment of Star Fleet’s glass ceiling, “Open Your Own Damned Hailing Frequency.”3. Spock’s candid memoir, “Nobody Knows the Tribbles I’ve Seen.”2. Kirk’s racy bio, “Men are from Mars, Green-Skinned Space BabesBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-89731374726759282362009-05-01T08:08:00.000-07:002009-05-01T08:09:03.485-07:00A Chicago man has opened a prison-themed hot dog stand that hires only ex-cons. Top five things on the menu: 5. Misdemeanor Weiner: sure it’ll give you indigestion, but you’ll only be in the bathroom for a few minutes. 4. Felony Frankfurter: for this one, you may be in for 10 – 20. 3. Hamburglary: served up in the window of the chuckwagon. If you can grab it and get away, it’s yours. 2. The BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-31791965193112351512009-04-24T08:07:00.000-07:002009-04-24T08:10:17.734-07:00Top five quotes from First Dog Bo at his first press conference:5. “To those who have accused me of being a source of White House leaks, I’d like to say that except for that little incident in the Blue Room, I always make it to the Rose Garden in time.”4. “Yeah, they changed my name from Charlie to Bo. Hey, call me whatever you want as long as you keep the Milk Bones coming.”3. “I’ve been told I’m not allowed to bite journalists. Fortunately that doesn’t meanBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-66661987066548995742009-04-23T08:43:00.000-07:002009-04-23T08:45:10.714-07:00Even the squirrels know better.The other day we were getting into Dean’s truck to go into town to spring Woody from the kennel. The passenger seat was filled with the usual junk – golf balls, sunglasses, water bottles, and four empty cigarette packs. I shoved most of the stuff behind the seat but put the cigarette packs on the hood of my truck, planning to throw them in the garbage when we got back. Then I promptly forgot BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-80321557013370198282009-04-16T12:20:00.000-07:002009-04-16T12:52:15.164-07:00I'll just let these teabagger's teabaggers speak for themselve's themselves.They seem competnt competent to do so. BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-69771342127999351952009-04-10T08:31:00.000-07:002009-04-10T08:34:10.523-07:00A tip of my frilly Easter bonnet to Mikey-Mike for providing the inspiration for the topic and the link for this week’s #1. The Easter bunny’s top five complaints about her job:5. “The price of jelly beans keeps going up, I got a subprime mortgage on my hutch, and now Santa wants a friggin’ bailout because the North Pole is ‘too big to fail.’”4. “Can we just pick a date and stick with it? The BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-35769188173058676462009-04-10T06:52:00.000-07:002009-04-10T06:58:42.086-07:00The Miracle Worker: The Doggie VersionWoody goes out every morning around 5 when Dean gets up, and then he usually goes back to bed and settles down until I get up. Not yesterday. He was all antsy, in “please let me out” mode, so I got up and let him out. As soon as he came back in he wanted out again. And again. He usually settles down in my office for the first couple of hours of my workday, but nope, same thing. “Let me out,” and BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-56138322661407612472009-04-03T09:49:00.000-07:002009-04-03T09:50:49.473-07:00They’re geeks. They should have known better. For April Fool’s Day the guys at Think Geek posted a new item: a tauntaun sleeping bag, complete with saddle and a glowing light saber zipper pull. After being inundated with orders, they admitted it was a prank, and they’re going to try to talk to the “suits at LucasFilms” to see if they can get a license to produce the sleeping bag after all.Top BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-49934362500258364332009-03-27T07:46:00.000-07:002009-03-27T07:48:20.168-07:00So, what’s it been like in Bismarck, North Dakota this week? An ice jam to the north, an ice jam to the south, and in between a whole lot of worried residents. But also a whole lot of volunteers. And the good news is the waters are receding. Top five things Bismarck really needs right now:5. To control those ice jams: sharks with friggin’ laser beams on their heads.4. Some *real* sandbaggers. BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-81766191195955604492009-03-13T07:26:00.000-07:002009-03-13T07:37:50.407-07:00Damn you, Tina FeyShe totally stole my idea for getting out of jury duty by dressing up as Princess Leia and claiming to be a hologram. So far I still have the jury duty thing coming up Monday. I'll find out after 5 today if the case is still going to trial. Top five excuses for getting out of jury duty:5. "Aww, come on, who *hasn't* gotten drunk, stolen a bulldozer and knocked down some trees and a power line or BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-78207718892914355962009-03-06T08:45:00.000-08:002009-03-06T08:49:52.820-08:00Seems like I’m always in the pool for jury duty. I served once in North Dakota, but that doesn’t count out here so I’m on standby for a case on March 16. The ND case was a boring DUI. I’m sure they’ll have more interesting cases in Montana. Top five possibilities for a Montana trial:5. Failure to obey the state’s gun laws. By not owning enough of them.4. Giving aid and comfort to enemy squirrels BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-91829056920452045942009-02-27T08:08:00.000-08:002009-02-27T08:35:52.729-08:00Mmmm, snowy snowy snowOn Wednesday, as the last remnants of snow were melting under a light rain and the air was smelling all fresh and piney, I had the temerity to say, “Looks like spring might come early this year.” Then came Thursday. That’s a foot and a half of fresh powder. Woody was one happy pup – until he realized the snow was over his head and he couldn’t get up or down the stairs from our deck. But I’m sureBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-16518299079511564932009-02-20T08:19:00.000-08:002009-02-20T08:48:58.854-08:00Rockin' Republicans Need Your HelpIn a quirky celebration of irrelevance and obstructionism, House Minority Whip Eric Cantor posted a YouTube video disparaging the stimulus bill, set to Aerosmith’s “Back in the Saddle.” Not quite sure why he chose that song. Maybe the Republicans wanted tax cuts to the crucial "cowboys and hookers" sector of the economy to be a cornerstone of the stimulus package or something. Alas, pesky BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-24326750394504934422009-02-13T07:54:00.000-08:002009-02-13T07:57:03.483-08:00Top five least romantic things to hear from your Valentine’s Day date:5. “Honey, we don’t need some fancy high-priced restaurant version of surf ‘n turf. Now at least try my fishsticks with beef gravy.” 4. “Mind if we skip dessert? Because my work-release ends in, like, half an hour.”3. “So you see, I’m living proof that you can pray away the gay.”2. “Some persnickety doctors might call them BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-79917640629296507672009-02-06T08:43:00.000-08:002009-02-06T08:44:12.192-08:00Groundhog DayTop five highlights of Groundhog Day: 5. All those hilarious “Gobbler’s Knob” jokes. 4. In an effort to grab the spotlight, local squirrels predict six more weeks of “being chased up trees all the time by that damned Woody.”3. The North Dakota version: you either get an early spring, or six more months of winter.2. The Montana version: by sunrise the groundhog’s been shot and field-dressed, but BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-36379673958016608352009-01-30T09:45:00.000-08:002009-01-30T09:49:57.875-08:00Oh, the poor rich bankers. You do one little thing, like make some company transportation arrangements or spend a few bucks to perk up your office, and everyone gets all upset. And what are their girlfriends, wives and mistresses supposed to do in these tough times? Form a support group and blog about it, of course. Our top five this week is from the blog “Dating a Banker Anonymous.” Because whenBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-73536696018088599982009-01-23T08:41:00.001-08:002009-01-23T08:43:08.162-08:00That’s probably not how Cheney intended to leave the White House. He may have wanted to make an exit that was less Dr. Strangelove-esque. Not so Blofeldian. More elder statesman accepting the thanks of a grateful nation, less Mr. Potter clutching the Bedford Falls newspaper with Uncle Billy’s missing bank deposit hidden inside. No doubt he hurt himself trying desperately to cling to the reins of BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-17669921297746919402009-01-16T08:45:00.000-08:002009-01-16T08:46:44.663-08:00Oh, Dubya.What will I miss the most? The corruption, the cronyism, the incompetence? I think it’s the smirk. I’ll miss that most of all. Top five ways the White House is getting ready for the transition:5. Using enticingly unredacted personnel reports to lure Cheney into his man-sized safe for shipment to his private undisclosed location.4. Barney lying in wait outside the press briefing room for one last BlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-38318345164956498462009-01-09T08:49:00.001-08:002009-01-09T08:51:47.061-08:00BrrrrOh sure. There you sit in your cozy office with heat and stuff. I went down to my office this morning and turned up the thermostat, expecting to hear the whoosh and see the glow of my lovely propane fireplace. Nothing. Oh crap. The pilot light’s out. I just had the tank filled in November. Yeah, it’s been cold, but not THAT cold. A full tank in November should last through the winter. Checked theBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6084173698253665729.post-62783738082024426412008-12-19T09:15:00.001-08:002008-12-19T09:15:47.482-08:00Oh, you poor rich people. Why do you have to suffer so in an economic downturn? We dare to whine about stupid things like “having to choose between heating the house or buying food,” when socialites are languishing in their penthouses, fretting over whether the guests will notice they’re serving domestic champagne. But there is an upside to the downturn. Rich people wrote this week’s top five forBlueGirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03359346383901543524noreply@blogger.com0